英文幽默笑话小故事【1】

　　Wherever I drove my old car over 55 miles per hour ,it vibrated terribly, so I decided to sell it.My first customer wanted to buy the car, and I battled with my conscience over whether or notto tell him of the vehicle's problem. Finally I did the right thing. Expecting him to drop the deal, Iwas surprised by his reply. That's okay, he said. I'm buying this car for my daughter. If shecomplains about a vibration, I'll know she's driving too fast.

　　每当我驾驶我那辆旧车时速超过55英里时，它就剧烈地震动起来，所以我决定卖掉它。我的第一位买主想买这辆车。围绕是否告诉他这辆车的问题，我经历了一番良心的较量。终于我做了件正确的事情。我想他会放弃这个交易，却对他的回答吃了一惊。 “那没什么，”他说，“我是给我女儿买这车的。如果她抱怨震动的话，那我就知道她开得太快了。”

　　teacher: walter, why don't you wash your face? i can see what you had for breakfast this morning.

　　老师：沃尔特，你为什么不洗脸?我看得出你今天早饭吃了什么。

　　walter: what was it?

　　沃尔特：我吃了什么?

　　teacher: eggs.

　　老师：鸡蛋。

　　walter: wrong. that was yesterday.

　　沃尔特：错了，老师。那是昨天吃的。

　　A drunk decides to go ice fishing, so he gathers his gear and goes walking around until he finds a big patch of ice. He heads into the center of the ice and begins to saw a hole.

　　一个酒鬼打算要去冰上垂钓，于是，他收拾好了用具到四处逛了逛，直到找到了一大块冰。于是他在冰的中心开始锯洞。

　　All of a sudden，a loud booming voice comes out of the sky. "You will find no fish under that ice.”

　　突然之间，一个急速扩大的声音从天空中传来。“你不会在冰的`下面找到鱼的。”

　　The drunk looks around, but sees no one. He starts sawing again. Once more, the voice speaks，"as I said before, there are no fish under the ice.”

　　这个酒鬼朝四周看了看，但是没有人。他又开始锯了起来。那个说话人的声音又一次传来:“我刚才已经说过了，冰的下面没有鱼。”

　　The drunk looks all around, high and low, but can’t see a single soul. He picks up the saw and tries one more time to finish.

　　那个酒鬼又向四周从高处到低处的望了一番，但是，连一个人影也没有看见。他又拿起了锯继续进行他的工作。

　　Before he can even start cutting, the huge voice interrupts. "I have warned you three times now. There are no fish!”

　　就在他马上要锯断冰面的时候，一声巨大的喊叫声打断了他:“我现在第三次警告你，这下面没有鱼!”

　　The drunk is now flustered and somewhat scared，so he asks the voice，"how do you know there are no fish? Are you God trying to warn me?"

　　这个酒鬼神情慌张甚至觉得恐惧，于是他问了那个声音:“你怎么知道这下面没有鱼?上帝呀，难道是你在警告我吗?”

　　"No,” the voice replied. "I am the manager of this hockey rink.”

　　“不是，”那个声音回答他:“我是这个冰球场的经理。”

　　A teacher said to her class： “Who was the first man?” “George Washington，”a little boyshouted promptly. “How do you make out that George Washington was the firstman?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently. “Because，”said the little boy，“he was first inwar，first in peace，and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”But at this point a larger boyheld up his hand. “Well，” said the teacher to him，“who do you think was the first man?” “Idon't know what his name was，”said the larger boy，“but I know it wasn't GeorgeWashington，ma’am，because the history book says George Washington married awidow，so，of course，there must have been a man ahead of him.”

　　有个老师问班上的学生： “谁是第一个男人?” “乔治·华盛顿，”一个小男孩当即叫道。 “你怎么知道乔治·华盛顿是第一个男人呢?”老师问道，宽容地微笑着。 小男孩说：“因为他是战时第一，和时第一，国人心中第一。” 这时一个大点儿的男孩举起手来。 “那么，”老师对他说，“你认为谁是第一个男人呢?” “我不知道他的名字，”大点儿的男孩说，“但我知道不是乔治·华盛顿，老师。因为历史书上说，乔治·华盛顿娶了一个寡妇，所以在他前面肯定还有一个男人。”